Intellectual Detachment - Emotions (are) for Idiots
So, in my previous article on The Squid and the Whale, I commented on the fact that intellectualising stuff can make emotional experiences more troublesome, stressful, painful and more difficult to react to.
I think I actually succeeded in entirely detaching myself from the fact that it’s been a problem I’ve had for ages. It manifests in very different ways. I sometimes wonder (wander) if this blog is one of them.
Let’s look at some examples.
It’s slightly different, but I once had a bit of a mental break.
Well…twice actually.
They were both incredibly difficult and painful experiences…that I guess made me stronger in the long run. I think it’s useful to realise the fragility of the minds grip on reality…and I think it’s also good to know that you can fix your mind if it does go entirely tits up.
Though I wouldn’t recommend it as a lifestyle choice for most.
Anyway, one of the things that occurred was that I was constantly analysing which psychological issues were affecting me. as well as spiralling away from reality…I was distancing myself from the actual experience by trying to analyse it.
I think I do this a lot.
Now, there’s a chance that this distance was what allowed me to realise what was going on and thus save myself….so possibly it’s good. If I didn’t step back and analyse, then I would never have worked out that what I was thinking wasn’t real. Maybe if I was more emotional I would have just gone with it….I probably wouldn’t have been capable of reaching the present moment intact. Some would argue that I didn’t (mostly me).
Anyway, the fact is that the root difficulty the first time (assuming you ignore the trigger, taking a large amount of acid at a young age without a completely constructed and confident sense of identity) was the logical process that I was capable of believing and trusting. Anything I could explain seemed true. I started ‘examining the foundations of reality’ and ’seeing the pattern in everything’.
Perhap’s it’s the root of a lot of my Taoist philosophical stance.
Anyway, I believed stuff that was patently untrue, and found that I was suddenly capable of believing two mutually exclusive things at the same time (I thought I was exploiting Fuzzy logic). This obviously led to a break from what was real. The impossible and unreal became as valid as that which was directly in front of me.
Slipping from the Koinos kosmos into the Idios kosmos.
A retreat.
Now, in my more stable states, I often find myself to be analysing and working out what’s going on without having a full emotional reaction to it. I feel the emotions, but I often deal with them in a different way. Non-verbally and without pushing them outwards.
It does depend on the individual emotion I guess.
It’s not that I’m emotionless, I think it’s just that when pain gets above a certain level, I’ve taught myself to detach and look at things from a less affected point of view. The I Ching encourages this, but it does mean that sometimes I end up appearing as if I don’t care. In fact I care deeply, too much. Like I have to deal with it in its own way.
Often I pour out emotions most fully when I’m on my own.
Sometimes I have to do it with the people I trust. The problem being that sometimes those aren’t the ones who would necessarily be able to deal with it. In my present situation, the one’s who I am most capable of relating to emotionally are the one’s I can’t relate to as they are the ones who….well….I just can’t.
Sorry if I’m being enigmatic again. Let’s change this to something broader so I don’t have to be cryptic.
Emotions are strange things. They are incoherent and incomprehensible. I like to leave them in that state. To communicate them using the words that I’ve learnt are more playthings than anything real seems hopelessly inadequate. I guess I feel like music comes closer, which is part of why I often use it to reify my emotions.
If I feel a certain way, I can magnify that feeling within myself by listening to the right kind of music. Right now Kid A by Radiohead is doing the job beautifully. Perhaps because it seems to deal with detachment and sadness in a way that I just can’t put down onto paper (or screens in this case). It means that I can feel it with in myself.
Be mindful of it. Concentrate on it. Feel it.
Does that make sense?
Maybe it doesn’t. But that’s the thing. I tend to deal with the world logically, but I feel it illogically. I’d rather it stayed that way. I don’t want the feelings to bleed into the logic. They’d contaminate. It screws with the logic and it cheapens the emotion.
Maybe.
Maybe I lack empathy. Maybe I see things too logically and coldly. But I think that I might have to do that in order to keep my head together.
Maybe.
There’s lots of maybes here. I guess maybe I’m not as logical as I think I am.
Well…i’m definitely not. Logic isn’t the right word. Intellectual is perhaps closer…but its much harder to use in a grammatically correct way.
Also it makes it sound like I think I’m cleverererer than people. Which I am clearly not. It’s a kind of thought process…a way of seeing.
Gah.
So, obviously intellectualising things doesn’t actually let me express things as accurately as the word ‘Gah’. I’ve been using it a lot recently.
This is the problem…I’ve got all these words but they don’t work.
My mind tends to run too fast to follow accurately…I just have to make approximations.
Then there’s the fact that both sides disagree, both with each other and within themselves. An extravaganza of ambivalence. Everything disagreeing with everything.
Too many thoughts and feelings all at once.
Life’s great.
Well…it’s certainly intricate. There’s a lot going on.
It’s fun working out how it all fits….but a lot of the time it hurts like hell.
Does anyone need clarification?
I certainly do.
I dont’ want to stop but I think it’s time to.
Thank you for listening.
Thoughts?
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Gah - if you are able to approximate reality then you are doing well! Most of us accept that reality is that big strong river which carries us along with little input from our individual selves. If we avoid most of the rapids and waterfalls then we do well.
I am little if not ambitious.
Actually…maybe I’m just little.
To be honest…i just wish I was nearer the surface of the river…where it’s much easier to admire the view.
Or something.
“Emotions are strange things.”
Yep, and denying them or trying to control them are pretty much useless endeavours. The only thing you can have any chance of controlling is your reactions to them. And that’s quite a challenge, most of the time.
How old were you when you took acid? I was 14 and I can guarantee it totally fucked me up for years (if it isn’t still doing so).
“Too many thoughts and feelings all at once.”
Yep, all the time.
What do you love?
I was sixteen. It screwed me up for along time. It maybe left me that way.
But it still made me who I am.
I can’t complain.
Love.
Everything?
Maybe.
Learning.
Definitely.
Exploring,
when it isn’t terrifying.
Beauty?
In Everything.
Music.
Feeling.
Love.
That’s all I can muster right now.
I may be holding back.
In response to the non-questions:
I don’t think being detached is about controlling emotions.
The I ching recently advised me to be mindful of my emotions so I could be more honest to the way.
I think it makes a lot of sense in a different way.
Can you tell I’m in a strange way right now.
But still alive….this is enough to be happy about I think.
Wow, this is quite a thrillride you present here. What you do sounds very buddhist in nature, the inner observer idea. I think it is fascinating do, and it does tend to give you a good perspective at times.
However, I from your post and the comments I get the idea that emotions kind of happen, like we had no say in it. Almost, as if they were part of the room we walk into, couch, oven, emotions…In fact, we create our own emotions, and worse than that, we get addicted to our own emotional states. And you wanna know something: if you are really good at creating strong bad stuff, you can do the same in the opposite direction.
See, I dont believe that things get dumped on us and all we can do is deal. We create everything around us. We are ultimately responsible for everything we do (terms and conditions apply in limited scope). Real problem is we limit ourselves so severely…we are capable of millions of emotions, yet we limit ourselves to only a handful and mostly negative ones: happy, frustrated, sad, depressed, manic. You are more than that. You are more than your emotions, thoughts and feelings….
Anyway, that is just what I think….
I enjoy playing upon and expanding upon the emotions I feel, but I sometimes think that it is wrong to be too ‘in the driving seat’. Reaction and observance is best (you’re right about the Buddhist think, I’ve read into a lot of Taoist and Buddhist thinking and a lot of it fits in perfectly into my world view. Faith and belief are however an entirely different matter).
Anyway, I totally agree with what you say about limiting our emotions. We run them into pre defined routes, as per your examples. It’s one of the key reasons you need to detach your intellect from your emotions (maybe). If you don’t struggle to define and explain you can simply experience and enjoy. Good and bad emotions may not be as clear cut as it would seem. You think about it too much.
Hmm, I think I’m lacking clarity on this right now.
Thanks for stopping by, I like your insights. Comment is always adored here. Feel free to make more.
We do run our emotions in pre defined routines, as you say, and sometimes we do need to take a step back, observe ourselves and see if we want to experience certain emotions or not. This is called choice, and once you have that choice, you have power over your state, and your emotions.
In my mind, there is no need to define and explain, i do enjoy merely experiencing different cocktails of emotions that I have not mixed before (hypnosis and trance can help creating new powerful states).
Sometimes, the problem is not the emotion itself, but that fact that we think about it too much…here is one good question to ask yourself should you think too much: “What is the positive intention of this emotion/feeling/x”. That way, you already think in the right direction…
P.s. Seeing how horrible my post looks, I have vowed to make more paragraphs from now on….