The Terrification of Expectation
I’ve just read the most flattering review of this blog I’ve ever had.
I’m pretty much speechless to be honest. I don’t think I deserve the praise, especially from someone who seems to be capable of praising me in a more eloquent way than I feel that I’ve ever written here. I can’t think of anything I’d rather provide than ‘Goosebump-raising, fist-pumping, back-of-the-throat growling intellectual goodness’, but I just don’t know if I’m capable.
Anyway, I’m not fishing for further compliments…I just want to point out that I’m terrified of not being able to live up to this.
It’s been bothering me lately.
You see, I’m writing for me…I need to vent these thoughts out. My head runs at a few thousand mules an hour (that’s possibly my favourite typo ever…I’m leaving it) and I can’t always keep up with it. I try, but I can’t always manage. So sometimes I just need to unleash it all at breakneck speed. If it gets other people a chance to see the workings of my head then so be it…that sounds like a fun social experiment.
It keeps me writing, it keeps me thinking. It keeps me reading and investigating. It’s good.
And now I seem to have readers. People who say they like me……
It adds responsibility of a sort.
Now, I’ve actively been trying to shake it off (kinda). Jumping from gender politics to computer games to meditations on life to music isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
I refuse to apologise…but at the same time…I don’t really want to disappoint.
But I’m here to write, and write I shall.
I’m glad that people think well of me. Sometimes my ego needs that boost (though others would argue). I won’t try to live up to your expectations, I’ll just try to spew it out for my own good.
I guess I am glad that someone enjoys the music posts though…..I’ve always thought they were the least popular.
So thanks to the Lyrical Fool (who writes a great game herself, incidentally). Your words are appreciated a lot. They hit me at a downer…and raised me just that little touch I needed.
In the mean time though….I say to myself (and any other bloggers finding themselves with unexpected audiences) write for yourself….get your thoughts down there. Give people a new perspective by honestly giving yours. Don’t write because you want to hold people in….write knowing that you might turn people away. Peel off a layer of defence and bare your soul for a while.
It’s more dangerous, but more fun.
It’s a good way to learn.
No surprise here, AC.
Simply put, you make people think by your use of the language and unique thought process.
Not blowing smoke up your kilt here just calling it as I see it.
You make me think, smile and growl at the world around me.
What’s not to like?
Keep on, keepin’ on, buddy
~m
~m
23 April 2007
:: I can’t think of anything I’d rather provide than ‘Goosebump-raising, fist-pumping, back-of-the-throat growling intellectual goodness’, but I just don’t know if I’m capable. ::
Just by who you are and what you do, you are and you do.
I certainly didn’t mean to evoke the Heisenberg principle, but, just as life is too short to drink bad coffee, it’s also far too short not to let those who strike a chord or make an impact know of their positive effects.
Because just by not attempting to do anything, you do.
It’s so deliciously Zen.
To paraphrase ~m, keep on rockin’.
LyricalFool
23 April 2007
As much as you may wish to disagree, you are definitely worthy of such eloquent praise.
Well, the topic jumping may not be everyones cup of tea but it sure is mine.
I also agree with the sentiments in your post. Ignore – or rather, challenge – perceived expectations, and ignore the risk of disapointment. Readers revel in the exploration; the unique path you take and make.
“Don’t write because you want to hold people in….write knowing that you might turn people away. Peel off a layer of defence and bare your soul for a while.”
I think that there is, in all most every post of yours, a particular section that simply strikes a chord with me. The above is this post’s. It cuts to the very crux of blogging and that which we all do.
Cheers.
surplusvalue
23 April 2007
Curse your praise you make me shy,
So on to you I do say fie.
I swear to you I pulled no trick;
Goading you to make my ego thick.
Angling for compliments is no game of mine,
Though the feeling it garners is quite sublime.
Hmmm.
Well…I was just reading some wikipedia things about meters and poetic forms.
Heroic couplet possibly.
Anyway, Thanks to all, though my head swells enough to burst my hat (this is actually not true…my bonce is already too large for all but the stretchiest of hats….it’s a shame).
I’ll carry on as I will. I worry that I should be harnessing my writing energy for more commercially viable projects (ie ones that I could try to publish) but I enjoy exposing myself so much (not like that) that I can barely resist.
Anyway, cease the complementaries or my ego will become so large as to implode and we’ll end up with a black ego hole on our hands.
A million thanks though. It really means a lot to me.
As for Surplus, your point about there always being one paragraph that really strikes. I think I’d agree with you that there’s always one where I hit the crux of the point. What I set out to say (though I may not have known that when I started…in fact this is more often the case than not) comes out about two thirds through more often than you might imagine.
I actually think I’m beginning to write almost formulaically. I’ll start with one topic, then digress into another…and the third becomes much broader but more emotive. Then I realise I’ve gone off on one and apologise.
Then it’s normally not until a couple responses in to the discussion underneath that a piece that actually makes any real conclusions (though it doesn’t always come from me).
Interesting to think about….maybe.
Alabaster Crippens
23 April 2007
goob.
whitishrabbit
23 April 2007
boog
Alabaster Crippens
23 April 2007
Heh. I’ve always regarded blogging as the literary equivalent of masturbation. You do it ‘cos it pleases you; and if someone else wants to watch, then WTF, right?
At which point the metaphor fails and blogging possibly becomes the equivalent of phone sex.
It just happens that some of us are more interesting at it than others. Your blog, veering topics and all, challenges me and makes me think. Which is why I suspect I shall soon be tagging you with a meme from Mur
Metro
24 April 2007
Hey, I’, back in circulation, like a massive blood clot :)
The first thing I want to do is agree with Metro. I read you because you open a window into a world i used to know. A world of post-teenaged angst and hope and wonder. There are times you annoy me, there are times you inspire me. but you never bore me! That is possibly the definition of a good blog. Keep it going and keep me watching in wonder.
In the meantime, I’m resuming my blogging masturbation! :)
archiearchive
25 April 2007
Good to have you back in the system archie, you have been missed.
I’d expect a curmudgeon like you to be more grumpy with me, so I’m glad I occasionally inspire.
As for you metro, you tag me with that thing again and I’ll be sure to tag you with some horrific and incapacitating disease…
Maybe.
If I can find one lying around.
Alabaster Crippens
25 April 2007