Oh joy I’m:
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLD)
Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.
Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic–and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you’re passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.
Your exact male opposite:
Deliberate Gentle Sex Master
But we’d like you to consider not using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You’ve had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don’t really have it together.
It’s up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of women out there who do deserve you. But you’ve heard our advice.
If you stay…
ALWAYS AVOID: The Dirty Little Secret (DGSM)
CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure (RBLM).
On the plus side, Manchild is an awesome album by Herbie Hancock (Hang Up your Hang Ups is the opening track…and it’s one of his most lively bouncy and cheerful tracks….and that’s saying something).
But yeah, apparently I’m an emotional infant.
Personally, I think a couple of questions were heavily leading. Plus I don’t agree with the Brutal part. But I may be wrong on that.
Anyway, I’m sure these things are all bullshit. Last week I was Buddha, today I’m a Manchild. Tomorrow I’ll probably be Burt Reynolds or some shit.
Yeah, I’m down today. Not only do I feel like I’m doomed to a lonely life of painful and screwed up relationships, but the internets is telling me that I’m right.
Seriously, this is an online dating site that’s telling me I shouldn’t be using their services. I just got de-advertised by a Viral meme (of sorts). I’m being told not to give them money.
My capital is no longer welcome with these capitalists.
That shit is fucked up.
Anyway, as always, it’s the questions (and the answer) that are most interesting about these quizzes. That’s what made the ‘which Deity are you’ one so cool. It had great questions, so you couldn’t predict the outcome (and therefore couldn’t pick your answers to get the thing you wanted…which I think people do subconsciously even if they’re trying not to).
The one that surprised me…that is…my answer surprised me was:
What sort of relationship is most appealing to you:
I picked chaotic, rather unexpectedly, and instantly realised it was probably true.
On one level, I love the idea of just having someone to cuddle up with, someone to hold and stay in with. One of my million dirty little secrets is that I adore Romantic Comedies. With a passion. And I want someone to sit at home eating Ice Cream with me and watching that shit. I want to feel warm and affirmed at the end, not lonely and suicidal.
So I do want something conventional. I’d like dates and romance and valentines and all those other couply ephemra.
But not as much as I want wild craziness. Not as much as I want someone who understands that I’m on the edge of madness and doesn’t mind helping me toe that particular line. I want a relationship full of strange excitement. I want fun, games and shenanigans. I want that kind of flying in your face passion and bizareness.
And I think that’s why I’ve had the relationships I’ve had…each increasing in trauma and upset, but also with more and more magic moments. Tighter bonds and fits. More strangeness, more people slightly scared by the mere fact of our being.
More incredibly weird dreams. (I was having my eyelids pulled by bees when I woke up this morning….previously I’ve been eaten by a giant vagina and screamed at a girlfriend about towels (it was a metaphor for the fact that she’d left me for another (better than me) lady…at least that’s the theory) whilst being told that it’s all my fault (it was)).
I think that’s all part of the fun.
Well…okay, maybe not the trauma and the pain….I regret allll of that…I cry when I think about the pain I’ve caused, and sometimes it feels like that’s only a fraction of the pain that’s been caused to me.
Maybe I really am an emotional idiot. It would make a lot of sense. I certainly screw things up pretty big when I screw them up.
I’ve definitely been accused of lacking empathy (I think I do…not entirely, but at least a little bit). Plus I know I’m self absorbed (I’ve got a blog after all).
So maybe I really am destined to screw everything up.
What do I have to learn?
But then, people always tell me I’m a nice person. I think of myself as being considerate (except when drunk…which is one reason why I’m trying to stop drinking so much) and I really really fucking care about all my friends, and that’s a lot of people. I really love the people around me. I’m quite free with my love in general. I really care, and will forgive most crimes. Is that not nice?
But sometimes it seems to all go out the window in relationships….like I unlearn everything that the real world has taught me.
Or maybe I don’t. Maybe I just think too much.
My head is a jumbled mess. I think on too many different things at once. Right now I’m trying to parse some insane music, peer into my inner soul, work out all my problems, remember what love really means to me, decide what to have for breakfast, figure out some time to do a bit of writing, work out an idea for a screenplay and think about how to make an analysis for looking at female oppression from a robotic perspective without getting too preachy or obvious.
And that’s not even a full run down of one moment.
It’s one of my talents, and my curse, I can always keep so many threads open, but I need all of them. I can’t focus as well as I’d like.
Hence my general state of confusion and jumping from topic to topic on this blog. One thought starts a million others, and I try to grab hold on to all of them. The problem is I’m quite good at grabbing hold of a hella lot of them. This leaves me in a perpetual state of information overload.
No wonder I like Breakcore and walks in the parks.
And no wonder I, like my relationships, tend to fall apart in enormous messy heaps.
Just for the record…for some reason…I’m not quite as incredibly depressed as I sound.
I’m not entirely sure why….I’m pretty sure I should be.
C’est la vie.