It’s happened again.
I’ve been accused of thinking. Again.
The first time this happened, I got pissed off. Second time, I tried to teach you a lesson.
Anyway, I haven’t decided what to do this time. But I would like to note something about those that have chosen me.
They are all better, particularly in terms of thoughtfulness, than me.
But whenever I say stuff criticising my blog I end up with loads of unwarranted compliments. I’m not fishing here, I honestly don’t think I’m up to much…at least not consistently.
So why do I do this. Why do I push my thoughts into the webosphere if I don’t think they’re worth reading about?
Well, the truth is, I don’t think they aren’t interesting…I just think I lack focus most of the time.
I don’t treat my blog as ‘proper writing’ I just write what I feel or think at a time. It’s like a kind of outward thought process. By writing something down I think of it in a different way…and getting feedback helps me gain new perspectives.
So I guess I really am a thinking blogger. This space is just an exeriorised version of certain parts of my brain. That’s why it flits so much. That’s why I change my mind halfway through posts. That’s why I normally end my posts with a sense of dissatisfaction with what I’ve written.
That’s what my brain is like. Almost exactly.
It’s a mess. It’s a big jumble of competing ideas and thoughts. Constant infighting between my lusts, desires, ethics, morals, needs and everything else driving or stopping me.
Out here.
I’ve been told I have an interesting viewpoint, but I think it’s just that it’s not as static as most people.
I have a lot of doubt in me. Including about the very fabric of the material world. Direct personal experience of the inadequacy, and the untrustworthiness of our perception.
My head got fucked. For a while. Twice. It left me in the odd position of having had to rebuild my whole sense of what was real. Twice. In my mid to late teens. Before I was even fully formed (Are we ever fully formed? Don’t we actually just keep on growing?).
It’s pretty much the formative aspect of my current state of mind. I think it makes me a better and more aware person. I think it kinda woke me up to the world.
And more importantly, it gave me the gift of doubt.
As you can imagine…it’s a double edged sword.
I don’t think I can rely on my senses, but then, I don’t think there’s anything more trustworthy that we can access. I’ll settle for making do.
So that’s a part of my thoughts, that’s part of what gets exposed here. Or at least something that lies underneath it.
But there’s more.
The truth is…I think a hell of a lot. A lot of people tell me I think too much. I can’t tell whether this blog has increased or reduced my thoughts, but it has at least given it an outlet that doesn’t get bored to tears within a few minutes (or at least…not as far as I can tell).
I think too fast too. If I had blogging software in my brain, you’d get fifty posts a day. And that’s assuming I edited out most of the days thoughts. If I went full on stream of conscious, you’d have a substandard Ulyssess every fucking day.
But the truth is, we’re all like that.
That’s the funny thing about thinking. Everybody’s doing it.
When I sit on a train. I often get a lot of thinking done, and every now and then I’ll look around and see all these people. Completely impenetrable, in their own worlds. There’s so much going on in there.
Ooh, wait a second.
xkcd did this with the words of Neil Gaiman. There’s so much truth here. It’s possibly the most important thing in the world to remember.
Remember that. It’s pretty important.
Which was what my response was initially (only with more vehemence). Absolutely everybody thinks. That’s why we’re here. It’s to peek underneath people’s scalps. It’s to look at what makes people think, and get to grips with the thoughts that get hidden away.
It’s like indecent exposure only with brains instead bodies.
And that’s pretty cool.
Because it’s the brains that matter.
***
So yeah, in conclusion. I tag nobody. And everybody. In fact…most of all I tag the people who don’t have a blog yet. Those people who don’t think their thoughts are worth thinking, let alone writing down.
I say to you. You’re halfway there already. You’ve got the mind. Give us a glimpse, and you might just learn something. We certainly will.
Let out a little of the magic inside you.
It’s definitely there. You just need to show us.
Though now I’m starting to sound like some kind of filthy mind lech.
‘Go on love, get your hemispheres out for the lads.’
But yeah, you know what I mean.
If everyone thought more openly, there’d be a lot more understanding in the world.
That too, would be pretty cool.
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I love your disclaimer re: objective truths et all. Actually, I see your blog as more of an exploration, seeking some sort of order in the transient, ephemeral, regardless of how tenuous or illusory that order may be. This makes for an interesting site because you’re taking your readers along on this quest for purpose, truth, meaning, beauty, grace…or however you would define it. The problem with most blogs is too LITTLE thinking, too much navel-gazing and “poor me” sentiments. Yours eschews such silliness and for that you’re to be commended. Keep it up…
The favourite part of my blog remains the ‘Dis Clam ‘Ere’ gag.
I love that.
That and a couple of the obtuse puns in post titles that nobody will get without knowledge of very esoteric pieces of music, books, or pop culture in general.
Most of them are for my benefit than for anyone else though.
Otherwise, thanks…though I don’t take compliments well. I do try, and I generally feel most negative about the blog when I’m navel gazing. But it all depends on mood. I can only explore the land in front of me. Which mostly is me. Kind of. (Does the self reside at the front of the face, the bit we see from, or the back of the head, the bit we never see? Am I in front of me or behind me? I’ve never figured that one out).
Anyway, I’ll keep searching for order as long as I need to pretend that it exists.
I’ll probably be here for quite some time.
I thought you might have been tagged at least once, but couldn’t find it in a quick scan. Sorry to have been the third.
I don’t like being tagged for anything because, well, I don’t know why and I’m too tired to explore it today. I often wonder if all this tagging is the internet version of Amish Friendship Bread, something that can turn friends into irritated friends (or, at worst, enemies) and isn’t a bread at all.
Anyway, thanks for taking it so well. I promise not to send you the starter for Amish Friendship Bread or tag you again after this.
The irony is, of course, that there’s a couple of things I want to be tagged with. Not many, admittedly, but when I like one of these things I get into it. I liked the weirdness one, if only because it was fun.
But yeah, no need to apologise, just because I take compliments strangely. I am flattered, and that’s hardly going to decrease the more times it happens.
Just don’t inflate me too much or we’ll be in a world of mess round these parts.
You’re not the only one who can change perspective while writing. I do it, and, while I tend to end up satisfied for the moment, it’s almost always followed immediately by “But will it hold true tomorrow?”
Your very non-static-quality and your very doubt is what makes you attractive as a blogger.
Were I a child (and, granted, I probably wouldn’t be reading your blog if I were, but bear with me on this), my parents would hate you for your nifty ability to generate even more questions in this already question-filled brain.
“We are all small.”
Greatest truth ever. I got it from my dad. Many people never learn it. I think the proper attitudde to blogging embraces that concept and adds: “But we are many.”
Some liquids contain disordered particles that will align in certain fields such as light or magnetism …
The blogosphere sometimes aligns rather like a shoal of fish, flickering in argument, a few slow individuals tacking the wrong direction. But altogether the shoal is many, and it can be mighty.
The thoughts you express here describe something you wish to add to the conversation. So be it. You can never think too much.
I really like Amish Friendship Bread. . . that was an aside.
I think you have a future in motivational speaking, alaby. You might consider it.
We are indeed Small. I like that a lot. And I’ve talked about fishes before. It’s definitely the primary human mode of interaction..and a powerful one.
Generating questions is great too. I’ve always been a massive fan of learning. I think it’s possibly the main focus of my life, and what I’m most likely to want to do in the future.
Which brings me to motivational speaking.
Erm…I just can’t picture it…and I can’t help but take it as an insult. Well, not quite, though I think you over or underestimate me. I just can’t work out which. I’m sure I could rant at people, and if my mood was good they might end up inspired as well as confused…but yeah….I don’t think it’s quite the right career path for me.
Maybe I’ll think about it though…you do never know.
Thanks all.
Even though I actually bigged myself up on this one, I still get lots of compliments.
You really want to get my head to big, seriously. I’ll be having trouble with doors soon.