Slowing Down

What does one do when the time starts to drag?

Let me explain.

I am very tired. I have been for a while, and I haven’t really been throwing myself into anything I’ve been doing. We’re in a lull. A rut if you will.

But not the good kind. (Apologies for that one, I couldn’t resist).

It’s the move still. It’s taking a while to settle in and I’m too busy to take the time to do everything that needs to be done. There’s a couple of bills to pay, just hanging over there, not urgent yet, but soon. My room is still too small, no matter how firmly I try to push the walls back, and I can’t find the bits and bobs I need (some kind of rail to go between two doors, a sheet, and a lamp shade) to make it comfortable. We have no sofas in our living room for a couple of weeks, and while cushions in a corner are quite comfy, it’s not particularly comfortable.

I seem to sleep just enough each night to not completely lose it, whilst still remaining perpetually hazy.

I could quit a job, start living hand to mouth. Job number A would still earn me my rent, but bills and food would become a daily struggle. I’d have more time for writing, but I don’t have a way of making that make money right now.

Which is the problem for us creatives (especially those in the early days stage), it’s hard to juggle the bill paying with the time required to work. Right now, my work requires enough of my time that if I mainatin only a few of my regular activities I don’t have the time to write.

But that’s not a very nano way of looking at things is it.

In fact, I just need to be doing what I say I’ll do, which is take time for writing each day. Just enough to write something, anything. Then If I do come up with something, I can carry on, and I’ve got something rolling.

Only I’m not inspired lately, at all. I have a couple of vague ideas floating around, and nothing’s coming.

Plus I lack the discipline and motivation.

So there’s a big list of excuses and what not.

Useless isn’t it. Just sitting here whinging about my problems.

Not at all positive, just listing problems without looking at the ups. Not looking at the opportunities. It’s a bad way to be, and it’s the way I am these days.

It won’t last, a good nights sleep and then a flash of inspiration and I’ll be back on the ball again. The best thing is that I know that. As sure as the sun will rise.

That’s life, you slow down, but you don’t halt. You never freeze. There’s always some imperceptible moment, and any second that could drop you over the edge, over the cliff, into the air. Then you work it out, it’s the wings. They were weighing you down as you climbed up the mountain, but they’re still there.

And that’s when you need them. Spread them wide and watch yourself fly.

Sometimes problems really are solutions.

As always it’s a matter of perspective.

So, what weighs you down but helps you fly?

‘I can think of nothing heavier than an airplane
I can think of no greater conglomeration of steel and metal
I can think of nothing less likely to fly’

- Saul Williams – Release (Blackalicious)

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