So, it’s probably the longest period of time in…..I can’t remember how long, that I’ve not had any intoxicants in my system.
Right now, for over twenty four hours (actually, almost 36) I haven’t drunk any alkiehole, smoked any reefer (or even baccy) or even drunk any tea (or coffee).
I am disgusted with myself that I am somehow proud of this fact, or that I feel the need to mention it.
But yeah….I’m gonna try and be a little straight edge for a little while. I don’t expect it to last, but I’m gonna wait til my body wakes up to itself a bit more rather than just going back to my usual status quo of mild intoxication constantly.
Seriously, right now I feel like crap, my head’s so easily distracted and everything I write turns to mush before it hits the paper (screen).
That kind of shit terrifies me.
So yeah, I’ll put my hand up and say I’m a junkie. I’m not totally out of control and I only very rarely do things I regret on any level other than embarrassment.
I remain grumpy and moody and I reckon I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight.
Once I stabilise I’ll almost certainly hit the sauce again. And I’ll be drinking tea again tomorrow (I have to function at work from ten onwards (I can get away with it from nine because there’s no public present)). But that doesn’t count…that’s totally safe and legal (and apparently, because I don’t use milk, it helps stop cancer or something).
So yeah…..we’ll see what happens with this. Just thought I’d tell you so I’d feel even more ashamed when I have a drink after work tomorrow and realise just how pathetic I am.
Hopefully….I’ll clear myself out a bit first.