Gendered Fucking - GenderFuck

More sex and sexuality for the boys and girls and, particularly, the in betweens or outsiders.

Spent this morning flicking through a book on Genderqueer identity this morning. Particularly a chapter on definitions of transgender and how they fit into discourse discussing gender and sexuality in the arenas of feminism and lgb activism. Some talk about the way that both movements made great leaps forward when they actualy stopped challenging gender (for feminism, by saying, we’re not trying to be men, we’re trying to make women freeer, and for the lgb movement by saying, we’re just like straight people, only we like people of the same sex). The argument there is that by saying they wouldn’t transgress gender typing, they removed the big threat and allowed them to mainstream themselves. The argument strikes me as out of date (it was only four years ago, but does mention that the future possibly holds more movements within the queer community embracing androgyny and an absence of gendered communication) but very interesting.

And really, nothing’s out of date because there’s still so much forward to go into. We need to move that way, and both movements are nowhere near finished, because of that work that needs doing.

I’m making no sense, and not talking about what I wanted to talk about.

Let’s start again.

Riki Wilchin’s, making a point about the differentiation between gender discourse (praticularly for trans individuals) and sexuality discourse (particularly for homosexual individuals), and the way the line is drawn between the two notes that:

It’s OK for me to say I’m changing my body because of my “gender identity.” But it would be considered superficial, even perverse, to say I was doing so because having a more feminine body would turn me on. Among cross-dressers, it’s acceptable to say that I wear women’s clothing to “explore my feminine side” but not because it gives me an erection.

-Riki Wilchins, ‘Deconstructing Trans’ in Genderqueer: Voices from beyond the sexual binary (Alyson Publications: LA 2002)

Ooooh, this is interesting. And close to me heart. Gender presentation is big for me. I like presenting on the boundaries, and in bed, I sometimes like to feminise myself. I’ll leave it to you to decide what I mean by that.

The interesting thing here is the idea of how gender and sexuality combine, and why people are often so intent on separating them. It creates a schism within the newly expanded LGBT community, because there’s an argument that the issue is separate. Why should activists for freedom of sexual expression also be fighting for freedom of gender expression? And why does Transexual tend to supercede the less binary forms of gender transgressive behaviour? And what do you do about the way transgression reinforces the norms, the binary norms, that leave so many of us out to dry? This is the core of Wilchins’ essay.

For me, as I’ve said before, there is a need for a freedom of from this binary, a spectrum, or just complete freedom, with no signifiers and stereotypes to hold us back. Impossible of course, but all the best ideals are.
With freedom of expression would come a freedom from oppression. Theoretically, gender bias, the patriarchy and all discrimination would fall to pieces if there were no labels to label people with.

But as always, my personal, intimate reality rises up to challenge my own ideals, and I am left feeling like I’ve failed myself and my beliefs.

Why?

Because without those roles, role play doesn’t exist. Without feminity and masculinity, where is the turn on in gender play?

If I take on a feminine aspect to express my sexuality, am I gendering myself in a dangerous way. Am I collaborating in the representation of women as objects of sexuality? Do I collaborate in the patriarchy by making assumptions of femininity?

Is that why they must remain separate, for the noble political reasons. I don’t think that’s the case for most people, quite the opposite. The norms are maintained, as is often the case, by denying that freedom, by making the language necessary to discuss these matters taboo and inaccessible.

But part of me things the more we explore and challenge and question, be that in the bedroom, the boardroom or the big, bad outside world, the more we learn, and the more we can understand what goes on. The better we understand, the easier it is for everybody to realise the inherent sham of the system.

As I always say, femininity and masculinity should have nothing to do with male and female. They are simply outfits to put on, and there are a lot more outfits out there. Different cultures define different norms, so the norms aren’t fixed and stable. We, as a society create them.

So dress how you like, and fuck how you like, and enjoy it in anyway you can. Express your identity in anyway you can find, and fuck the rules when you’re fucking. There’s room for everyone to play with everything they can imagine, and the more we do, the more system is challenged.

Talk about sex, talk about gender, and work out what it is to you, what you want it to be, and be prepared to change your mind a million times.

I don’t know how many times on this blog I’ve mentioned ‘society’ as a big other. The big other, that thing out there that fucks us over. But it isn’t. We are society, we are part of it and we are shaping it. We must take responsibility for our actions.

But we can do that by playing. That is what I want my credo to be. The world is ready to be changed, and we do it by playfully experimenting. Openly and honestly. Sex and life and clothes and art and everything else, absolutely everything. It’s made by us and what we do, how we converse. Play with it and you’ll raise big questions.

It’s a positive way to change the world in a thousand tiny ways. If enough people figured that out, then we’d be going forward fast.

Someone remind me to write more about play later, but now I gotta eat.

(PS, it’s good to be back. I’m sure the above doesn’t make any sense, but it doesn’t matter, because I enjoyed writing it the way I used to….let’s hope I can keep this up. Love.)