Gut Wrench

There is a hole in the pit of my gut. A huge writhing knot of dark matter twisting and turning and hurting.
I actually couldn’t make it in to work today because of a full on stomach cramp.
I’ve been feeling emotions much more physically lately, which has been great when I’ve been happy and bouncy and [...]

Fear and Loathing on a Happy Monday

Stuck in work. This is the second to last shift at the internet place. The place is rammed, due to the Bank’s going on holiday. The only appreciable difference to me is more high pitched squealing all around, and a promise of ‘a bit more money’, on pay day. This is good as I’ve already [...]

A Theoretical Upper Limit to the Density of Experience

I bear the emotional, physical and mental scars of a densely packed weekend.
It feels like I squeezed the usual events of a month into about three-four days, to the point where I’m no longer sure how much time has actually elapsed, or is even occurring in the immediate present. My Shatner’s Bassoon is totally [...]

Fey Lure and the Top of the Hill

Did the faerie folk lead me to the crest of a mountain?
Alas no, just more sound play.
I tried to write the project that’s been composting  since the year began, and I heard about this.
It didn’t work, and I’m frustrated by this. It may just be part of my current trouble with words and communication, or [...]

Sleazed to Meat you

Disgusting people in this world.
Still feel smypathy for them, it’s hard not to. People end up having grown up with a warped and stunted view of socialisation. I’m not sure how it happens (though I have my suspicions) but some people seem unable to communicate wholly and fully, naturally and openly with other people.
Their goals, [...]

Ass Per Asian Eel - Definitely a Monkey

My mind is flighty this evening. Running too fast and too tired. All in the mind.
But I’ve been thinking, and  an article about people following dreams and potentially changing the way creativity is composted, coupled with a meeting at work about my ‘personal development’, is leading me to thoughts about where I’m going in life.
And [...]

Dancing with the Sea and the Starlings

I feel alive today, like, really alive.
It was a long day at work, but in the middle of it I had to go to the other side of town (Hove, actually) for a brief training course.
The fire safety training was not exhilarating, but the walk there and back was.
I love walking, and I haven’t had [...]

The Changing of the Calendar

So, the official new year is fast approaching (an hour and twenty minutes for those few people who live on the right (or wrong) side of the international date line) and I’m overwhelmed with underwhelmedness.
See, I’ve already thought of this year as the new year since post solstice. And aside for drunken antics, I feel [...]

Melancholy Mood - Don’t read sad things when you’re sad (or do)

So, the festive break back in St Albans was pretty wonderful all round (though I got too drunk on Christmas Eve, and made a dick out of myself, that only partly ruins the feeling because I can’t remember it so it’s hard to feel that bad).
Anyway, family, friends and loved ones abound back there, it’s [...]

I want Chocolate

It is hard to reward myself when I can’t turn to my usual staples of booze and other types of booze.
See, I hit 20k. Which means I managed 2.5k today. This is good wording, but now I’ve made that milestone, and I’m finding it hard to punctuate my day in such a way as to [...]

Breakin’ Down - ‘Im Balance

So,
This is brief, but it’s something I want to get out. Basically, I’ve been pushing myself to extremes recently, partly to deal with some family shit that I’ve been treating as an excuse to hedonise my head into the sand.
My brother’s being made redundant, my parents are having difficulty selling up to retire and my [...]

‘The’ Problem

So, thanks to someone else keeping note of their random surfing, and ending up at my place. I’m reminded of a ‘classic’ article from the archives.
Anyway, I reread my thoughts, and it was weird to tour my head again. I very rarely go back and read stuff on my blog, and I think I should. [...]

Are you Alive?

So, this is all inspired by the new Battlestar Galactica, of which I have just finished the first season of…no spoilers please, I’ll try and do the same.
Anyway, that question…’Are you alive?’ has such significance in and out of the series. I was unnerved when  it first gets asked, by an artificial being (Cylon) of [...]

Creativity - Straight Edges and Dead Horses

So.
Ever since I was ill (I’m still getting tired easily and so taking it easy…but I’m definitely better now), I’ve been in a very creative mindset. Thoughts following in slightly more coherent chains than usual, and getting somewhere…and staying there so I have time to analyse.
These a fat and lugubrious times.
I don’t know what lugubrious [...]

Satisfying - Sex and the Pretty

Innacurate title really. I’m not feeling particularly pretty and I’m not getting any sex. Still…should ramp up the stats a little.
First though, an aside. I lvoe my blog surfer, occasionally I find someone on there who I can’t remember putting in there. Brightfeather is one of these, I can’t remember what made me add her [...]